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Space Ace Ruminations

Ace and Kimmy looking aghast

 Today I decided to take a break from doing Important Grown Up Stuff and spent a few hours playing the Digital Leisure DVD release of Space Ace that I acquired a decade ago while in college.  Space Ace is the lesser known Don Bluth laserdisc arcade game but like Dragon's Lair I & II it combines a beautiful visual landscape with virtually no interactivity.

Don Bluth is my favorite animator and The Secret of NIMH is my favorite animated movie, something I've been meaning to do a YouTube video on for some time.  He's also brought us An American Tail, Land Before Time, All Dogs Go to Heaven, Anastasia and Titan A.E. among others and it was his early success that motivated Disney to inject new life into their animated feature films, a move that brought about what's now known as the "Disney Renaissance" in the late 80's and early 90's (so he's indirectly responsible for The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty & the Beast and The Lion King as well.)

The lovely (and predictably high maintenance) Kimmy. 

So I have a special place in my heart for the Don Bluth arcade games- I can remember feeding my allowance to Dragon's Lair II: Time Warp many a weekend at the Lenox mall arcade (back when it had one) in my youth.  Good- albeit short- times.

But despite my affinity for Don Bluth and everything he's done, those games are among the most maddening experiences ever released in the history of interactive media.  You don't "interact" as such.  You watch for a yellow flash on the screen and move the joystick in that direction or push the "action button" to fire the gun (same deal in Dragon's Lair except its a sword.)  I can understand how this would be captivating in the 1980's (I was there after all) but in modern times it's just a exercise in frustration.

The problem is that these games work against everything that makes games appealing.  It's not just that you enter a sequence of commands when prompted- it's that you formulate a strategy and work out a process to counter what the game is throwing at you.  No such luck with these monstrosities.

To drive the point home, consider this example from an IGN walkthrough for Halo 1:

Continue down the passageway to find a green arrow on the ground. Kill the
various Covenant inside the doorway and head in. Take the first left you see
and assist your marines by killing every Covenant in the area. Continue right
to find another red arrow on the ground and a health pack on the wall. Pick it
up if you need it and head down the path that the red arrow is pointing to.
Ignore any intersections and continue heading straight. Head forward to find
another small skirmish between a few marines and a few Grunts and two Elites.
There is quite a bit of ammo here so pick them up. Continue and you'll find
another Covenant boarding craft with two overshields inside. Continue along
and you'll find a room with something burning in the rear. Crouch and head
under the door blocked by a round crate. Keep going and you'll find another
green arrow on the ground. Enter the opened door and follow the path. You
should reach some stairs and some Covenant on the floor above. I would suggest
taking them out from the first floor and then climb the steps. Continue
through the opening opposite of the opening you entered through on the second
floor.

Now that sounds like fun.  By contrast, here's a walkthrough I made today while playing Space Ace:

Cliffs:

left left right right right right right

Ship:

up left up fire left fire down fire

Station:

up left up up fire left fire up up fire left left

Borf's Ship:

left up right left right up right right

Green Monster Chase:

Up left right fire right left fire left fire left left up

Wasteland:

Fire left up fire fire left fire right fire up

Ship 2:

right up left left fire fire up down up fire up fire up 

Checkered Madness Tunnel:

up right left fire fire left right fire fire fire

Planet Surface:

Fire up fire fire fire left

Rope jump:

left fire left fire right fire left fire down right right up left up

Motorcycle chase:

left right fire fire fire fire right down right fire fire fire right fire left right down fire

Rollerskates & underwater:

left up right fire down right left right up right up right right fire left down left right fire fire fire left left

Tower:

up fire fire right left fire fire right fire fire up down fire right up... 

Borf- your go-to bad guy.

...and that's as far as I got.  I had about five moves left to the end of the game and I discovered that my DVD is apparently defective- none of the five button options worked.  Ah retro gaming.  BTW- sometimes the game tries to vary things up by reversing left and right on the screen.  If you notice that Ace's dominant hand has switched, change left and right from what I have above.

In a way I suppose these "chapter cycling" games paved the way for rhythm games like Guitar Hero and such.  But really what occurs to me is how they encouraged the CD-ROM industry to go blazing full steam ahead, churning out the ill-fated CD-I, 3DO and all those other early disc based console systems. With the exception of the criminally underrated Sega CD, it wouldn't be until the Playstation that a disc-based console got it right.

It makes me wonder what we're jumping the gun on now.  Probably VR.  Earlier today I watched a promo video for that new headset thing Steam is pushing to rival the Occulus.  It's tempting as all hell but I have to think that after the novelty wears off it will go the way of the Wii.

The history of video games is littered with the smoldering wreckage of consoles that tried to out-tech the competition.  The industry just can't seem to shake off the nearly 30 (!!!) years old console war mentality of the 16-bit era.  The Jaguar (now most famous for its flight simulator that drove the Angry Video Game Nerd batty with it's incessant Where did YOU learn how to fly?) is living proof that style will never trump substance in video games despite what cynical marketing strategists might have you believe.  Gamers have always known that it was all about soul: your so-slick-you-can-skate-pennies-off-it graphics card doesn't amount to a hill of startup discs if you don't have the soul that made Super Mario World a beloved classic.

So if you have a chance, get a copy of Dragon's Lair and Space Ace. But make it one of the DVD releases and watch it on automatic playthrough.  Otherwise you'll have nightmares about not being able to move until a yellow flash appears near by.

Kempai,

-Jordan

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Secession in the Age of Branding

 On Twitter I'd been hearing about the "Brexit" but I've been on an informal sabbatical from knowing what's going on in the world so I didn't bother to get hip to the new lingo.  As it turns out there's a big push to have the UK secede from the European Union.  Being one for smaller self government, I say good on them.

But something occurs to me: next we'll be hearing about the Frexit (France), the Swexit (Sweden), the Bulexit (Bulgaria), the Croexit (Croatia), etc. etc.

In an age where tyranny is held in place largely by the overwhelming apathy of the populace it may well be that all we've needed to throw off oppressive yokes was a good branding campaign.  Something you can put on a decorative rubber wristband.  There was a time when freedom was enough of a novelty that it branded itself in the minds of the people- the advertising campaign in favor of kicking out an oppressive dictatorship just kind of writes itself when you're forking over your last shillings to a pompous redcoat on an equally pompous horse.  But now there's more vying for our attention- and freedom needs a rebrand.

So come on Europe- embrace freedom the only way the modern man and woman can appreciate it: with an inane slogan campaign that makes my OCD hackles sit up and turn red.  It may well be your only hope in a world that has the attention span of a bumper sticker.

Kempai,
-Jordan

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Just posted this as an Amazon.com review of Hunters of Gor by John Norman.  I think it bears repeating:

Having heard various people- especially those in the roleplaying/BDSM community- extolling the magnificence of this series, I looked into it and found myself disgusted time and again at the idea of a philosophy that values men who control women with rape and physical beatings.  The most common defense I heard of the books was that they were intended to satirize feminism.  While there were certain thematic elements of this in the plot line of Outlaw of Gor, the remainder of the books seemed, to ever increasing degrees, to justify why a bully is the best thing a man can ever be and that men have a right and a responsibility to beat up women and terrorize them.

This was the first Gor novel I read (and I subsequently read Tarnsman, Outlaw, Priest-kings and Captive in case you want to accuse me of being ill-informed) and I was introduced to Tarl Cabot, who revels not in consensual BDSM but in the merciless, gloating terrorizing more akin to a high school bully who, unable to accept the more tender and vulnerable feelings he has for a girl, beats her and humiliates her to suppress his own inadequacy in the face of those feelings.  This is Tarl Cabot and through the course of the series he further accomplishes his goal of becoming a malicious thug towards women.

Norman's assertion is that men must be brutally harsh with women because if they show the slightest sympathy then women will seize on that and enslave the men by weakening and feminizing them.  For the women in the novels, this is undoubtedly true: every single female character in the aforementioned books was a shrill, maniacal, malicious, stuck up pain in the ass that was ultimately brought under control by a (physically) strong, arrogant man.  From what I'm told- and what I believe given what I've read already- this is true of all the women in the Gor novels.  Seldom would I be so tempted to derive a character analysis from a creative person's art (people have always accused David Lynch, my favorite director, of misogyny and I've always found their arguments to be based on willful misinterpretation) but when one spends some thirty novels venting at length on an intricate philosophy supporting the basic idea that the very character traits of the abusive husband, the manipulative boyfriend and the jock bully are not only admirable but the very best qualities possible in a man I have to come to the conclusion that John Norman's real problem is with women.  If feminists would focus on scumbags like John Norman rather than complaining about irrelevancies like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, they would have a much stronger case but they would also reveal how the type of men they purport to fight against are despised by much of society at large.

There is nothing noble about being so emotionally weak that anyone you don't dominate physically will be able to take advantage of you.  Norman likes to make the argument, both in the books and elsewhere, that this savage patriarchal rule was necessary for the good of society.  Ever the philosopher, he should be aware of Rand's truth that the good of society is not a justification of anything, just permission for evil to occur. Civilization did not spring out of rampant brutality- it grew out of human beings learning better and better how to get along and work with one another.

If you're like me, you'll read these books hoping for Tarl Cabot to eventually be beaten into the ground by a real, genuine, heroic character but that day never comes, apparently.

If there is one positive in the Gor novels, it is that it will compel the reader to rise to the occasion and articulate precisely why they disagree with Mr. Norman.  In addition to writing he (under his real name) made a career out of teaching philosophy at the college level.  If I were a woman taking one of his courses, I would be suspicious of the grade I received, positive or negative.

Oh- and there's also sword fights and monsters, if you're into that sort of thing.

Forgive my tardiness in posting to print as often as I do video.  Leaving Babylon is- happily- taking up a tremendous amount of my time as is my current writing project.  Nevertheless, the cold winds of reality whip around me in swirling bursts and drag down both of these wonderful pursuits by embroiling me once again in conflict with that great, cynical mystery that is human nature.  In such times I find myself returning to two specific observations from the annals of philosophical discourse.

The first is more bittersweet in its frustration:

"I love mankind, its people I can't stand." -Charles Schulz

The second, though sad in its truth, is refreshingly brutal:

"A true friend stabs you in the front." -Oscar Wilde

Once more the firm but vaporous hand that turns us to look full-on into the mirror of human folly has closed on my shoulders and in its grasp I find myself horrified by the bruised, bloody and swollen face that quivers in my reflection.  I medicate this echoing, residual pain as I always have- with a glass of wine, a long hot bath, and a good book.  Taken all at once these three elements combined allow me to feel like something other than Icarus laying crippled and broken, his virtue having melted away in a white hot moment of pride.

Right now I'm reading Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami.  It takes me to another world that is at once instantly familiar and impossibly alien, the singular gift that Murakami brings to all of his work.  I had planned on reading A Wild Sheep Chase next, but when I learned that the film adaptation of Norwegian Wood was available on Netflix, I knew that duty called.  Next I'll read Son by Louis Lowery.  I spent August reading the two preceding novels, The Messenger and Gathering Blue, to be ready for this final installment in the Giver story cycle.  I'm glad she's doing this- The Messenger answered a couple of questions left over from the Giver, but the story itself seemed to exist primarily for the sake of making a comment in immigration and border policy, which was a hot button issue in the 2004 election when it came out.  After that I'm going to finish the Aliester Crowley biography by Richard Kaczynski.  First book of 2013 will be Homer and Langely by E.L. Doctorow.  I also have a whole shelf of unread Thomas Wolfe.  I love his writing for its tenacity and gentlemanly demeanor, though I frequently get the feeling that he tends to stick his nose where it doesn't belong, often revealing more about his own ignorance than the shortcomings of his target.

Simba has spent the entire day sleeping on a decorative pillow.  Oh to have that kind of determination.

Certain movies are rather unique in my memory- the movies that seemed... captivating... when I was a child and now just seem morbidly fascinating.  When I was about seven or eight I saw a movie on cable one afternoon called "Dead Heat."  The premise is that a corrupt company has technology to bring people back from the dead for a few hours and so what do they do with it?  Do they start resurecting murder victims to find out who killed them or some other productive useage? No- they resurrect petty theives and have them start knocking over convenience stores. 

Treat Williams stars as a detective who dies in a gas chamber at the laboratory and is brought back from the dead by his coroner ex-girlfriend who instantly figures out what the resurrection machine is and how it works without having ever seen it before.  So what does zombie cop do as he visibly decomposes?  Of course- he stalks off after the sonofabitch that did this to him.  Along the way we go down the check list of action movie cliches- bad guys that can't seem to hit their mark no matter despite destroying everything else in the room (what Roger Erbert dubbed the "Principle of Evil Marksmanship,") situations where the guy with the gun has cornered the person he intends to kill and instead decides to start talking at length, cheesy tough guy one-liners and everything else that would make Duke Nukem proud.  Its one of those films that begs to be skewered by Mike, Crow and Servo on MST3K. 

I hadn't seen this unintentionally silly romp since that day decades ago but thanks to Netflix I just rewatched it as an adult.  As a kid, I thought it was badass.  Now, just bad.  Hilariously bad, mainly for its predictability and complete reliance on 80's movie cliches. 

So the ultimate outcome is that this tecnology was created by an aging business tychoon (presented in the most stereotypical Carter Pewterschmidt fashion possible) who wants immortality so that he can... make MORE money!  In a typical businessman-as-amoral-powermad-tyrant fashion, he expalins his intentions thusly:

"Everybody dies, rich and poor. Death doesn't descriminate, at least, not until now... Poor people are supposed to die, but the same rule doesn't apply to us- we're rich.  God wants us to live forever and even if he doesn't, we can always buy him off!"

Well, there's a lot of very obvious holes here- first of all, why is it so expensive that only the rich get to use it?  The process doesn't seem that expensive, in fact it appears to be ripped right from Frankenstein: just zap 'em with enough electricity to reanimate.  They do it to plenty of characters throughout the series without any difficulty at all.  Later, when Williams' partner (played by loveable caveman Joe Piscopoe) is similarly reanimated, it is stated that he cannot understand Williams because he has been brain dead "too long."  He then responds instantly to orders to kill Williams.  So... he was too braindead to understand his old partner but not too braindead to follow that order?  After regaining his mental capacities (its never explained how,) he and Williams destroy the machine and- for some equally unexplained reason- they suddenly crossover into what we assume to be heaven.

I didn't want this blog entry to be heavy handed, but I had to take issue with the film's brash assumptions about the rich- that given the power to resurect themselves they would immediately use the technology to screw over their underlings.  What if Steve Jobs could have been resurrected? What if the very people that made industry work for the betterment of all of humanity rather than their miscreant, bail out grubbing, lobbyist deploying progeny were back in charge?  Well, Occupy would get a kick out of this one.   

I'm missing Iron Maiden tonight.  Its their first time in Atlanta in close to 20 years.  Their last visit was in '96 and they played the Masquerade no less.  Funny how getting Bruce back was all it took.  Nevertheless, I've really enjoyed the modern era of Maiden (Brave New World and forward,) especially with Kevin Shirley producing. The man is a master. 

It kills me that I'm missing it, but I'm working tonight and need the extra money.  I'm working on new musical projects right now.  I know I keep saying that, but I don't want to say too much.  It will be worth it when its finally ready to go public.