Every few weeks there's some holiday of some sort that can only be celebrated one way: by congesting the streets of the city with the most flagrantly moronic of America's automotive enthusiasts.
Myself included.
There's two breeds of vehicular dumbassery out there: the more obvious sort (Category A) that drive like hyenas laugh and the less obvious sort (Catergory B) that think they know how to contend with the aforementioned knuckle draggers. I fall into the latter category.
Last Memorial Day I was driving home from having my iPhone repaired in Little 5 Points when some Category A Moron side swiped me, apparently thinking he needed to get to the nearby gas station before it was ransacked by marauders. He tried to tell the cop that I'd rammed him from behind. The fact that the extensive damage to my car (headlight cover knocked off, wheel well plating smashed in, driver's side door unable to open, and black paint transfer from the black car that hit me) was entirely (except for a dented rim on my right wheel where I went into the curb) along the left side while the minimal damage to his car (a long scratch and some denting) was on his right while the front of my car and the back of his remained virginally pristine should have been enough to convince even the most pedestrian of deductive reasoners that my side of the story held up while his was a complete wash.
But we're forgetting... this was Purge day. So, of course, Atlanta's finest told the moron that hit me that he was free to go and charged me with "following too close." It didn't make sense at the time, but then I remembered that the officer was just performing his Purge duties by making sure that deranged lunatics keep driving. After all, they have a civic duty to off the poor fools like me that are dumb enough to go out on Purge days.
I'm due in traffic court next week. I'm sure that will go swimmingly.
Well, I would say that I've learned from my mistake but here it is 4th of July Weekend and I have to be at work in the morning. My shift starts at 9 but I'm planning to leave at 6am so that I can make the normally twenty minute drive at five miles an hour.
If I make it back in one piece I'll be spending the remaining holiday weekend behind closed doors. Specifically mine.
Just try to remember all the good the Purge does.
Kempai,
-Jordan Owen
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